30 Hilarious Signs Your Cat Hates You
Cats have a reputation for being mysterious and aloof. It’s hard to tell what they’re thinking, and you may wonder what they think of you. You’d ask them straight out if you could, but there’s no guarantee they’d tell you the truth.
If you suspect your cat’s feelings for you lean more toward the dark side, here are some signs that your cat secretly hates you.
They clean themselves right after you touch them.
You consider yourself a very clean person. Still, your cat acts like you’re the filthiest person on the planet, and they must decontaminate themselves immediately after you pet them.
It’s not like you have cooties!
They steal your food.
You were looking forward to eating some shrimp, but your cat stole it off your plate.
If they had asked nicely, you might have given them one, but to help themselves to your food without your consent is just plain rude.
They sleep on your jigsaw puzzles.
You spent hours on a 1,000-piece, blue-sky puzzle. It was nearly completed when your cat decided that’s where they wanted to sleep. By the time they got comfortable, they’d destroyed all your work.
It’s not like they don’t have a ton of sleeping places. Still, they chose your puzzle on which to lay their weary head and body.
They use your potted plants as their personal litter box.
When you come home to find dirt from the Ficus plant all over the floor, you know it’s because your cat couldn’t resist going to the bathroom in the planter.
Not only is this a sign of disrespect, but they’ve probably killed the plant in the process.
They brazenly disobey you.
You’ve told them a hundred times not to jump on the counter, and they’ve ignored you 101 times.
When you catch them on the counter again, and they give you a smug look, it feels as if they’re flipping you the bird.
They ghost you.
You make plans for you and your cat to spend some quality time together, but at the appointed time — your cat is nowhere to be found.
Later, when you try to talk to them about it, they don’t even bother responding.
They rip up your toilet paper.
Your cat doesn’t just tear off a tiny piece of paper — they rip it into shreds.
It’s shocking to walk into your bathroom and find a winter wonderland made of two-ply.
They try to kill you.
You’re standing at the top of the stairs when your cat chooses that moment to wrap itself around your legs and upset your balance.
If this were a true-crime documentary, the timing would seem suspicious.
They’re conversational narcissists.
You know your cat is self-centered, but your cat has never shown any interest in your life.
All they do is talk about themselves, and when you try to squeeze in something about yourself, they bring the conversation back around to them. Stop meowing already!
They drink from your water glass.
It’s bad enough that their tongue is lapping up your water, but the remaining water is never clear when they’re done.
Who knows what kind of kitty-backwash they’re leaving behind?
They steal your stuff.
You can’t figure out how your cat got access to your favorite pen or scarf, but somehow, they did. Now that the item is hidden, it’s impossible to find it when you need it.
Is there anything worse than a feline cat burglar?
They give you terrible gifts.
Why would anyone think a dead beetle or an old sponge makes a good gift? Your cat leaves these tokens of appreciation for you all the time.
Maybe you should make them a list so the next time they’re in a gift-giving mood, they’ll get you something you like.
They never laugh at your jokes.
When you’re especially hilarious, your cat doesn’t even crack a smile.
It’s as if they’re deliberately trying not to laugh.
They photobomb your pics.
When you want a decent picture of your cat, they won’t stand still for a second.
However, when you’re trying to take some serious photos, your cat keeps sneaking in and ruining the shot.
They vomit in your shoes.
When your cat chooses your favorite shoes in which to regurgitate their lunch, it feels personal.
They’re super affectionate to everybody but you.
You can’t understand it. You lavish your cat with love, affection and treats, but they’re completely indifferent to you.
However, when your non-cat-person-friend comes over, your cat transforms into a sweet, cuddly kitty.
They never apologize.
Cats aren’t perfect — they make mistakes like everybody else — but they refuse to ever take responsibility for their actions and say that they’re sorry.
They get bored when you talk to them.
You’re pouring your heart out to your cat, and they yawn right in your face as if you’re the most boring person in the world.
Who does that to someone they love? Someone who hates you, that’s who.
They slosh water out of their water dish.
Are they maliciously hoping you’ll slip in the water? Haha, well, you’re not going to fall for that again.
They can overturn their water bowl if they want, but you’ll be wearing non-slip shoes.
They try to get you fired.
You’re running late on a project when your cat walks over your keyboard and deletes the file.
Don’t they understand that you’re working to keep them in the lavish lifestyle they’ve grown accustomed to?
They jump on your head at 5:00 a.m.
They don’t care if you didn’t go to bed until 2:00 a.m., they want their breakfast now, hooman.
Their fur gets in your food.
It may be their tail in your pasta, their paw in your fries or free-floating fur in your coffee — their fur seems to have a homing device to go where it shouldn’t go.
And your cat is letting it happen.
They don’t have your back.
Your cat doesn’t act like they’re your ride or die.
If there’s any question of trouble, your cat has no problem throwing you under the bus or simply running away.
They cough up a hairball on your bed.
Cats who have fur, especially long-haired cats, tend to ingest quite a bit of fur. Sometimes, their hair doesn’t get digested and is evacuated through the mouth.
Unfortunately, your cat has a knack for throwing up their hairball on freshly laundered sheets right before bedtime.
They stand on your most sensitive body part.
Many areas of the human body don’t hurt if weight is put on them, but your cat seems to think that your most vulnerable area is the best place to stand and contemplate their next move.
“Tell me where it hurts, and I’ll get my full body weight on top of it,” is what they must be thinking.
They won’t make eye contact.
Eye contact is a great way to build trust and improve communication, but your cat always looks away when you try to look them in the eye.
How can they tell you they love you with slow blinks if you can’t see their eyes?
They talk smack about you.
Cats can be catty! Cats love to gossip about their owners, and your cat doesn’t hold back.
They’re blabbing your deepest and darkest secrets, and they’re not withholding their judgment on your actions either.
They never take selfies with you.
Do you constantly have spinach in your teeth? Not only won’t your cat take photos with you, but they also never tag you when there’s a group photo.
It’s like they don’t want to be associated with you.
They kill your goldfish.
You’re cleaning your goldfish bowl for the umpteenth time, and you forgot that little Whiskers was inside while you were momentarily leaving Goldie in a water glass.
Is it really your cat’s fault that you left this delicious treat out within a paw’s reach?
They don’t return your texts.
No one likes to be left on read, but it’s especially hurtful when it’s your cat who’s doing it.
Of course, we’re only joking —most of these things like hairballs, attitude and bad-timing are just characteristics of cats. On the other hand, patience and a sense of humor are crucial to have as a cat-owner or caregiver. Your cat doesn’t hate you; their phone died.