12 Types of Dog Moms We've All Met
There are dog owners, and then there are dog parents. Millennials, we're looking at you. For dog moms, owning a dog isn't just a fun facet of their life. No, it's an entire segment of their personality.
And why wouldn't it be? Dogs are pawesome. They're good judges of character, so dog people are almost always just as cool as their canine companions. If you identify as a dog mom (or dad), find out which type of pet parent you really are.
1. The Identical Twin Pet Parent
Dog Mom Score: 10/10
You know how people in relationships tend to start looking like each other? That happens to dog people, too. Fortunately, dogs are adorable, so looking like your dog is usually a good thing. Take this dashing duo. Hair? Coiffed to perfection. Beards? Distinguished to the extreme.
Pet parents who match their dogs are usually some of the nicest people you'll ever meet, with one exception. If a dog mom with perfect hair, perfect nails, stilettos and dark glasses walks by with an equally well-groomed teacup Maltese, there's a 10/10 chance they're judging you heavily.
2. The Golden Retriever Dog Mom
Dog Mom Score: 12/10
Golden retriever boyfriends are a thing, and so are golden retriever dog moms. You don't have to own a golden retriever to qualify, although it doesn't hurt. All that's necessary to fit the golden retriever dog mom label is to exemplify the very essence of golden retrieverness.
These are the bubbly, outgoing extroverts of the dog world. Whether they're walking on the strand or hanging at the dog park, they eagerly befriend any fellow dog owner in an instant. Their happiness and good vibes are contagious, and their dogs are just as happy-go-lucky.
3. The Canine Selfie Queen
Dog Mom Score: 7/10
If you haven't seen someone snapping a selfie with their dog by now, you must live in a cave. Most dog owners take photos of their dogs, but canine selfie queens are something else. They're pros at taking Instagram-worthy, perfectly posed pics with their pups.
Most of these dog moms deserve a higher rating, but there's a certain group that brings down the whole average: the selfie queens who simply can't stop. They don't just snap a quick photo with their beastly bestie. No, they turn every walk into a photoshoot. Do they even like dogs, or are they just doing it for the 'gram? Put the phone away, and play fetch already.
4. The 'Emotional Support' Dog Mom
Dog Mom Score: 5/10
Before you come for us, emotional support dogs are incredible. They can really help people who need them, like those with PTSD, anxiety or autism. Having an emotional support dog can help lower heart rate and blood pressure, reduce symptoms of depression and get people to stay calm.
There's a particular category of dog moms, however, who use the term "emotional support animal" when they don't actually need one. Instead, they use it as an excuse to bring their dogs inside the grocery store, the movie theater and other spots that only allow service dogs. Real emotional support dog parents, on the other hand, deserve a 20/10.
5. The Granola Dog Mom
Dog Mom Score: 9/10
Granola dog moms fall somewhere on a spectrum. On one end, you have the outdoorsy type that looks like they're about to go on a hike at all times. (Most of the time, they are.) They only buy natural products for their dogs, who join them on backpacking expeditions and walks in the woods. They probably live in Portland, Oregon, and they definitely own a flannel. Super chill, but sometimes exhaustingly active. Just take a nap once in awhile, OK?
On the other end, there are the essential oil dog moms. Like outdoorsy dog moms, they want nothing but the best for their dogs. They make all-organic dog treats from scratch, and they usually post pictures of them when they do. They can also be found raving about their homemade, natural flea and tick repellant using lavender Doterra drops. These dog moms are also nice, as long as they don't try to sell you on an essential oil pyramid scheme over Facebook chat.
6. The Athlete
Dog Mom Score: 8/10
The athletic dog mom is hard to miss. Their calves are defined enough to cut glass, and their dogs are usually just as athletic as they are. These aren't small dog breed people. They can be seen running alongside their Belgian malinois, Rhodesian ridgeback, Visla or Weimaraner, or even taking them along on bike rides.
These dog people take amazing care of their dogs because their workout buddy needs to be in tip-top shape to keep up. They're awesome pet parents, but sometimes, they talk too much about running form, mileage and macros. You know who you are.
7. The Prep-School Dog Mom
Dog Mom Score: 7/10
When you see a dog that dresses better than you, its owner must be a prep-school dog mom. Prep-school dog moms don't hold back from pampering their pooch, often 10 times more than necessary. Dogs don't really need rhinestone collars, designer carriers and a collection of dresses and bows. They don't usually need strollers either, but prep-school dog moms have one anyway.
Their dogs are often a pain to dog sit. They're sweet, but they're terrible at walking on a leash because they've seldom had to do it. They're treated more like dolls than dogs half of the time, but we can't judge prep-school pet parents too much. As silly as putting clothes on dogs may be, these dog moms adore their fur babies and would die before missing a vet visit.
8. The Hypochondriac
Dog Mom Score: 8/10
Hypochondriac dog moms are worried. Not about one specific concern or health issue. No, they're just worried across the board. They're dog yips? Vet visit. Seems a little itchy? Vet visit. Oh no! Mr. Puggles sneezed? Vet. Visit.
You get a trip to the vet, you get a trip to the vet, everyone gets a trip to the vet! They're worried about everything that goes into their dog and everything that comes out of it. Any sniffle could be an allergy. Or what if it's kennel cough? If they throw up, it's totally because they ate rat poison in the neighbor's yard, not because they got into the cat food container for the millionth time.
Hypochondriac dog moms don't miss anything, and they know their dog like the back of their hands. They get a 13/10 for how much they care but a 6/10 for the spike in cortisol they give themselves.
9. The Helicopter Dog Mom
Dog Mom Score: 9/10
You know that dog mom whose dog is their best friend? She's probably a helicopter dog mom. Her dog never gets left home alone — ever — because, you know, separation anxiety. Her dog joins her on every vacation, and even at the dog park, she's never far away.
On the upside, helicopter moms are always there for their dogs. On the downside, their dogs occasionally forget how to dog.
10. The Distracted Dog Mom
Dog Mom Score: 4/10
We all have days when our phone's ringing off the hook and we're stressed out of our minds. Some days are just hectic, and there's no shame in that. Distracted dog moms, however, are always distracted. If they go to the park, they're too busy staring at their phone to notice their dog knocking over a toddler and chasing a squirrel into the parking lot, or preparing to start something with the biggest German shepherd at the dog park. Sometimes, they're so distracted that they don't realize their dog is asking to go potty until it's too late.
While one could argue that this type of pet parent shouldn't have a dog in the first place, we think there's hope for all dog people. Just set your phone down more often and give your dog the attention it deserves, cool?
11. The One Who's Dog Is Literally Her Child
Dog Mom Score: 8.5/10
If you're a millennial with a dog, there's a 50 percent chance this one has your name written all over it. Millennials are waiting longer than previous generations to have kids, and many of them have opted to skip having them altogether. They still have plenty of love to give, however, so they give all of it to their dogs.
They're incredible, caring pet parents. All of them. They also post funny family photos and ask their parents to come visit their granddogs for the holidays. We only deducted 1.5 points from their score because you can only hear the word "fur baby" so many times before it gets old. And enough with the cheesy dog mom merch from Hobby Lobby.
12. The One Who Has Pet Parenthood All Figured Out
Dog Mom Score: 25/10
Last but not least, we have the perfect pet parent. They have it all down. The housebreaking, the obedience training, the weekly grooming routine, the walk schedule ... everything. They're like the zen masters of dog owners. Everything balance. Not too strict, not too lenient. Serious about their dog's health without going nuts about it. Pampering their pooches enough that they feel love and connection, while still letting dogs be dogs.
These are the dog moms we all aspire to be. If you're not there yet, don't beat yourself up. If you're a dog person, you're a good person, and we're paw-sitive your dog agrees.
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